A Sledgehammer or a Song?

I've never hidden my views. I've also proclaimed that I do not know everything there is to know about autism and constantly turn to those people with it on how to teach, on perspective and so forth. I am not here to pontificate. I am here to learn and discover. Through the process I hope I can also become an "ally," as Amanda commented on Kevin's blog. I hope I can challenge other people as well, but often the best way to reach the inflexible mind is slowly, with history, with familiarity, with true stories by those who are autistic -- perhaps my preference is through literature, art and the like. In my view, we need sledgehammer's and we need songs -- I think I'm the latter. Whatever our style, we have to "speak" in a language that suits us best. While it is utterly IMPORTANT to speak up and show the inhumanities against autistic people, there are some people who can't be reached. This is the tragedy. This is why the dialogue can never cease no matter how much it sometimes beats us down.

I've been hinting of the history of eugenics in America. I'm actually quite suprised how few people picked up on that or didn't know what to say about it, or are fearful of "going there." I try and take a stand that shows rather than pontificates. If I say I believe something, another parent will accuse me of "speaking for" the autistic. I repeat: I am learning. The purpose of blogging for me is to share my own little journey in this.

I am speaking to Amanda's comment as I mentioned, in Kevin's blog. She is strong in her response and for that reason, it speaks to me. She states:

"Basically, the autistic people most likely to be harmed by various "therapies" and "philosophies of autism," are not likely to be helped by the "let's respect the opinions of those who are doing this to me" thing. By all means respect people as people, but opinions are something different,and some opinions, some actions (and actions start with opinions), are just not excusable...Frankly when I see people talking about how all parents of autistic kids should have this kind of solidarity, it frightens me. It frightens me because I have seen the results of both parental hatred and parental well-meaning bad things directed towards autistic people, and this is so rarely acknowledged, that good intentions aren't good enough and that some parents do not love their children and that some parents who do love their children still horribly mistreat them....Isn't it possible to both be an example of acceptance and celebration, and at the same time say "No, some things just are not okay?" Isn't it possible to be both loving and take a stand? When people believe that peace is the absence of apparent conflict (while meanwhile the conflict all continues under the surface and harms and kills people and so forth) bad things happen. And most autistic people can't escape those bad things without allies, and where are the allies if they're all going into "sweep it under the carpet mode," if nobody's willing to confront anyone because it wouldn't be polite or validating or parent-solidarity or whatever?"

Amanda, I am so glad you wrote that. I can't say it like you say it. It wouldn't be the same, in fact, coming from me. I don't speak for you, but I can listen, advocate, ally. I can present the work of autistic people in special events, art exhibitions and I feel I need to. I must admit that it is unnerving as a parent who wants the best for her son, to undergo such "confrontation" as you put it -- when one would think that all parents would want the same. Yet, even those sentiments, as you said, do not address the injustices against the autistic population. I can say I want "the best" for my son, and in fact, do what's best for me. This is the semantic issue. It is consistent with Ebohlman's comment, also on Kevin's post:

"`Sincere,' does not mean `correct.' The most passionately and deeply held beliefs are those of bigots, zealots, and fanatics, the people who have the least hold on the truth. Believing that you're right is not the same as being right."

As parents, I think many of us grapple with this all the time. What is the difference between what I want, what I think Adam needs, and what he needs or wants. At this young age, as a custodian of my son, these are difficult decisions for any parent, autistic or not. However, with a child with autism, the issue is more serious. There are too many pulls for insidious therapies, too many organizations that appear to befriend the "struggle" and appeal to parents on this basis that totally ignore the discrimination issues and the voices of those with autism.

So people like you need to keep speaking up for yourselves and people like me need to make way. The truth of the matter is you've just got to keep sending your message to the parents. They are the nucleus of everything for the autistic child -- they are the point at which all views about you in society can possibly be changed.

Kevin, Ebohlman and Amanda -- thank you for your posts, your strong words. They came at a time when I needed them most. I'm going to keep singing.