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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Writer/Curator/Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project. Contributing Author to Between Interruptions: Thirty Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood, and Concepts of Normality by Wendy Lawson, and soon to be published Gravity Pulls You In. Writing my own book. Lecturer on autism and the media and parenting. Current graduate student Critical Disability Studies and most importantly, mother of Adam -- a new and emerging writer.

“There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.” -- Baruch Spinoza

Monday, July 07, 2008

 

Despicable

To whomever wrote to Adam on his blog, you are the reason why I chose to privatize it. I thought that so far, everyone has been so kind to him, but I was waiting for the day that someone like you would show up...sad but true.

How dare you call my son's words "gibberish" and if I ever find out who you are, I will hunt you down. And yet, cowardice hides behind the veil of anonymity -- so should I waste my effort or shine a spotlight on you -- no better than the dirty, scurrying cockroach? As such, you are a coward to pick on a little boy's words.

Such comments from adults to children are NOT acceptable, and it such doubt of autistic individuals that confront them every day. It is not fair to children like Adam who work so incredibly hard to communicate.

If you have something to say to me, I am fully armed to take it. He, however, is not. An autistic child is still a child. No more, no less.

For our loyal and supportive readers, be not discouraged. I have to do what I have to do as Adam's mother. However, we can invite people who choose to email us and reveal something of themselves, to read his wonderful blog. The whole point of course, is to share and celebrate our successes with one another -- to touch and encourage each other. In the end, to value what we all do offer. Who knows, it may go public again once my rage dissipates.

35 Comments:

Anonymous Monica said...

That is horrible (not a strong enough word)....I will never understand why people feel the need to put others (adults and children alike) down.

EVERY child (or person period) has a right to communicate (in whatever way he/she is able).

I think it is amazing when they find a way to do so, and should be nothing but applauded.

Monica

4:43 PM  
Blogger Geoff Fargo said...

Despicable, indeed. I understand your rage completely, and would do anything to protect my son.

I'll miss reading his blog, but I hope Adam continues to express himself through writing.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

Geoff,

If you email me, you can read his blog. I am choosing people who choose to share some of themselves with us, to read his blog. You can be invited to read it.

5:08 PM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

Monica,

I am with you. Every effort and type of communication MUST be encouraged and celebrated. Thanks for your support.

5:09 PM  
Blogger Kassiane said...

What a disgusting thing to do. Adam doesn't deserve the poo slinging of immature adults on the internet. He deserves to be celebrated.

5:13 PM  
Blogger AtTheWatersEdge said...

Estee,

My youngest has a very hard time with speech....and I get comments about what he "can't" do. Which is only setting him up to fail, IF I believed it. Which I don't. I think we won't know what he is capable unless we give him a chance.

Monica

5:26 PM  
Blogger Maddy said...

Words fail me.
Best wishes

6:18 PM  
Anonymous farmwifetwo said...

I never saw it, I haven't been readng his blog, I thought it was private. But, I hope he didn't see it either.

S.

6:53 PM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

Sheri/Farmwife,

No of course he didn't see it. That's why the comments are moderated and why I administrate his blog. He is too young to do that himself, nor would I give him such free access at the age of 6.

Monica,

I've never thought of Adam as a person who "can't" do anything. He can do whatever he wants and in which ever manner he needs to do it. That's the key to accommodations. I agree with you.

8:12 PM  
Anonymous stephen said...

Dear Estee:

I'm sorry to hear about the "negative" comments on your son's blog.

I understand how important privacy can be and regret that you had to restrict some of the wisdom of your son to the world because of the negative actions of an individual.

Stephen
http://www.weareautism.org

8:12 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I had emailed you a while back and had access to Adam's blog and would gladly email you again and tell you whatever you want to know to gain access into his thoughts he chooses to share again. Your blog, and his, continue to help me see my daughter living with autism in a new way with so many of the things you both write. I'll link to my blog(s) instead so you can get a glimpse of me.

10:22 PM  
Blogger Bev said...

So sorry to hear this, Estee. It's a shame some people are so easily threatened by a child's communications that they would feel justified in such garbage.

My love to him and to you.

Bev

10:55 PM  
Blogger Sharon said...

How evil. I'm sorry to hear this.

3:58 AM  
Blogger Adeleida said...

:( I'm sorry that happened. I see I don't have access to his blog (I think I have emailed you) but while it was public, I have always found his comments refreshing and truthful. To me it was almost a nostalgic memory of childhood experiences, seeing and smelling and feeling things for the very first time. How amazing is it to just sense things and share them with core, heart-felt expressions. Adam has always been an inspiration to me and those who fail to see that are the ones that maybe will one day reach the end of their lives without ever inhaling the miracle of being alive with passion and deep experience. And that is a much bigger disability than autism could ever be.

4:24 AM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

Thanks everyone. Bev, you said it. Who is the anonymous person and what do they have at stake to call Adam's words more specifically "eerie gibberish." That's just plain mean to him and suggests and agenda to me. It certainly is not fair to him and if this person was a decent person in any way, shape or form, they would have thought twice about dumping a negative adult comment on his blog.

6:24 AM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

I also meant to say that for many of you who emailed us way back, I still have your emails for Adam's blog. I had not yet privatized it. As it is, I am having troubles privatizing it (not sure if it shows previous posts of his and future ones will be private). I've set the "only those who you invite can see it" setting, but it doesn't seem to be blocking the blog. But he hasn't posted anything in a while yet either...we are much too busy having fun this summer.

6:27 AM  
Blogger Jane said...

I didn't see the comment left on Adam's blog. I do enjoy reading his blog and his take on his life. I am an educator and I think Adam's journey is one way to show other educators (and typical peers) that they should always assume competence when dealing with individuals on the spectrum. I can't find your email to ask permission to still be allowed access to Adam's blog. If you'll post it in an answer, I will be emailing you soon.

6:52 AM  
Anonymous CS said...

Estee,

I know how angry this can make a parent, it was a regular thing for me on youtube. If your having any issues with blogger and the privacy setting, try typepad, its privacy setting is working flawlessly for me and its easy to do. Also, typepad gives you the ip address of anyone commenting and allows you to block that person's ip address from accessing the comments.

CS

6:54 AM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

CS,

Thanks. I will try Typepad.

Jane, as I said, I did not publish the comment. Adam's comments section is moderated by me.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

That is absolutely horrendous. It's bad enough when adults attack adults online, but children? That is truly beneath the pale.

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this.

Jen

7:39 AM  
Blogger farmwifetwo said...

Atthewatersedge said "My youngest has a very hard time with speech....and I get comments about what he "can't" do"

I know that feeling 100%. Especially since he's extremely smart and we made a social jump in the last month or so... I just noticed it this last couple of weeks. The awareness, the wish to be part of things and communicate is huge. He actually took out a board game and asked to play it with us instead of just playing with the pieces, he waited on a chair when his bro got time-out for excessive splashing in the pool until his bro could go back in again... little things to others... but so big for him and us. He saw a Clown yesterday and actually interacted with him, without prompting and had a wonderful time. Came home with his own squishy nose that he loves.

Unfortunately, his writing and speech is still 95% info we've asked for, mimicking and mands. But one day... we hope to catch up with Adam and he'll master articulating his own thoughts. Computer, speech, we aren't fussy.

Which leaves me with a Q?? Why do they insist on teaching these children as if they have severe MR (life skills, training) when there's more than adequate proof out there they aren't and can be educated, integrated, with support, the same as their peers. But then again I'm aiming for Calculus... not "atleast they do respite" classrooms that they have here.

S.

7:45 AM  
Anonymous Lorin Neikirk said...

As an adult with Aspergers, I find that while my vocabulary is extensive, my dialogue is ''gibberish'' to most people. Well, people like that guy, anyway... Kudos to you as Adam's MOM! I wish I had an advocate like you when I was a kid. When Adam is grown he will reap the personal rewards of your efforts. This is my first time to your blog, and I'll sure be back.

9:32 AM  
Blogger Estee Klar-Wolfond said...

Lorin,
Guy or Gal. We don't know because the person is "anonymous."

Thanks for the support. It means a lot to me to hear from autistic adults who underwent the same.

9:48 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

"Computer, speech, we aren't fussy."

I feel the same way, my youngest is 21mths and I can't just not give him a way to communicate until he is able to speak (That is completely not fair to him). I feel guilty about closing my laptop anymore (that's what I have been using with him- PRC software). Communication is communication, in whatever way it comes.

"Why do they insist on teaching these children as if they have severe MR (life skills, training) when there's more than adequate proof out there they aren't and can be educated, integrated, with support, the same as their peers."

I still haven't figured that out, there are too many teachers/professionals who stopped caring, or never really did in the first place.

My opinion is that if a parent has low standards of what the child will be able to accomplish, than that is where the child will stay. If you show your child nothing but a belief in how intelligent you believe them to be, they WILL be able to accomplish things no one ever thought possible.
It is a great motivator to me to help my child accomplish ALL that I KNOW he is CAPABLE of. And with that attitude I think we (the parents) wind up being amazed as well.

Monica

10:03 AM  
Blogger Marla said...

I keep our daughter's blog private as well. Too many weirdos out there it seems.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Ed said...

I'm sorry this happened to Adam also Estee.

I think blogging can be such a positive experience for him and those who read what he writes.

I can understand you being upset. I hope this commenter doesn't stop him from blogging.

3:08 PM  
Blogger ~Mama Skates~ said...

oh my - how very sad estee....i'm so sorry that anyone could b so cruel! i'm glad that u said what u did in ur post - disgusting cockroach!

i emailed you way back to ask to be invited too....i will shoot u another email & will wait patiently until u get it all sorted out....enjoy ur summer estee & adam!

sharon

3:57 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

Estee, I didn't want to read the post. I'm sorry if that didn't come across-I just made that statement. I am trying to find out how to email you to give you information so that I can access Adam's blog. I enjoy reading it and think it can be helpful to teachers so that they understand the idea of assuming competence and that verbal language isn't the only way our kiddos communicate.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Autism and family said...

Wow. Reading about Adam, and then reading his blog was so amazing. I'm sorry you had to read such hateful comments. I am sending Adam my best wishes, and thanks for helping me see the world in a different (and better) way.

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Hannah Zimmerman said...

Clearly you guys are passionate about children with autism and the struggles they face. I found an article in the Pitch newspaper that may be of some interest to you that is about one of the best school districts in MO being accused of abandoning its autistic students. Here is a link if you would like to check it out...www.pitch.com.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Amber DBTD said...

What revolting, immature, hideous behavior some adults show over the internet. I am so sorry that you had to see something like that aimed at your little guy's beautiful blog. Reading his words gives me hope for my own son, and sends a shiver down my spine. He phrases things so beautifully, and so uniquely. Whoever Anonymous is, there's a special place in hell for you.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cowardly is the word for this type of person. You don't have the courage to speak for yourself.

HIK

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Ron Bell said...

When I first mention to friends or acquaintances, that I have a grandson with Autism, I am shocked to learn how much misinformation exists — in the minds of well educated people — about Autism.

Those of us who are traveling down this path of learning have an obligation to share our knowledge, no matter how limited, so that at least lack of knowledge is not an excuse for ignorance.

I am saddened that your son was the victim of such insensitivity!

11:45 PM  
Anonymous Rosa said...

It's horrible that someone would do this. How pathetic and low of whom ever that was.


Your boy is an amaizing person with a heart of gold.

He has helped me see things in a diffrent way. I enjoyed reading his glog i the past.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous alex said...

I could cry over what someone has done to your son. Why do people have the sick need to do this? I will never understand. Your son's speech is lovely and I have enjoyed hearing about it. It is so other frame of mind for me, he sees things in such beauty and so physically. He is the one who has the gift, not us with our speech. God watch over him.

12:01 AM  

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