Behind the Lou Dobbs Smile

Lou Dobbs made me cry.

Maybe I was more vulnerable this time. I had cancer surgery on World Autism Day. I do not have cancer, and if I did, it is most likely gone now I am not going to tell anything more about that until I finish my book, so you’ll have to wait. So excuse me for being a little emotional as I recuperate, watching re-runs from “World Autism Day,” on CNN. I was thinking about this as I as being prepped, thankful in a way that I would not be watching the TV that day -- sorry, almost, that I felt compelled to watch it afterwards, holding my wounds, the words of some of its reporters pretending to “do good” almost cutting me deeper.

"We have to do something about this ugly, ugly, ugly disease,” Lou Dobbs said emphatically, talking to Dr. Thomas Insel. That’s when my tears flowed. I imagined my Adam listening to his words flowing in between his denture-like smile, self-righteously saying that autism, my son’s way of being in the world, is ugly. Mr. Dobbs has obviously never met Adam or any other autistic adult. He cannot even fathom the joy we experience everyday when we are together (Adam and I, that is), and the utter sadness when people like Lou Dobbs goes on air to talk to millions of viewers of what he knows absolutely nothing about. Autism is so “terrible” everyone is saying, that I felt so terribly sad for all the parents out there fighting for services, for their children’s right to be valued and accepted, to be educated, and to contribute to the world. That’s our fight. It is what unites me with everyone who also loves their child and just wants them to have the best in life. It's what unites me with all the autistic adults who say the same things and are constantly ignored in favour of the parents! No, our fight is to change the education system to include all children of all kinds of learning abilities, because it is representative of the world we live in. Our fight is not to eliminate autism, because that then threatens the lives of so many people who are born with different disabilities (or who may age with them), and who cannot become a part of our world. So, I think Mr. Dobbs and CNN owe millions of us parents and autistic adults alike, an apology because,

Lou Dobbs has never seen Adam laugh so fantastically that it would make the entire world glow.

Lou Dobbs has never felt Adam’s arms wrapped around him so that everything in the world would make utter sense to him – even immigration policy.

Lou Dobbs has never received a kiss from Adam against his cheek that would make him stand up for Adam’s human right to be and live a full life as an autistic person, in an instant.

Lou Dobbs has never seen Adam laugh with his friends – something it took him a while to do, and something that one never ceases to appreciate when it happens – the true value of real friends.

Lou Dobbs has never seen Adam read Henry VIII at the age of a year old.

Lou Dobbs has never observed the interesting games that Adam is capable of creating on his own.

Lou Dobbs has never seen Adam begin to type sentences with such meaning that Lou would understand the depth of understanding of humanity that a five-year-old autistic boy can possess.

Lou Dobbs has never witnessed Adam pulling his mother and father's hands together when they are fighting.

Lou Dobbs has never seen Adam work so hard in a world that doesn't spend time to understand him, and who can also learn many things so easily in his own autistic way.

Lou Dobbs has never seen a child who wants to be so social, but who lives in a world with little patience. If Mr. Dobbs would make some time to spend with Adam, I know he would understand.

Lou Dobbs has never spoken with autistic adults who struggled against the stigma of “horror” and “ugliness” that the much of the world believes autism and disability is, and who today, can tell us all about it.

Lou Dobbs does not seem to understand the difference between challenge, struggle, sadness and joy and how we can never separate all of those human feelings. We can never make life more perfect than it already is. We can never separate the vastness of all these feelings for we would be a risk of being numb – smiling with whitened teeth without really knowing happiness at all. (Okay, I’m picking on your white teeth, Mr. Dobbs, but you have to take a little tit for tat because you hurt us so much, even if unknowingly).

No matter where you stand on spectrum of autism politics, I cannot imagine that not one parent or autistic person listening to Lou Dobbs would not want an apology. Adam has passed the television set a few times listening to these horrific reports. I’ve muted the volume. I never want him to hear anyone say that he’s ugly, or that his autism is. It is only Adam’s right to express what his autism means to him – not a non-autistic person’s. It is NOT OUR RIGHT TO JUDGE WHAT AUTISM IS OR MEANS TO AN AUTISTIC PERSON. We may relay what it means to us as parents, but that is only less than half the story. It’s time CNN put some autistic anchors on their shows about autism. It’s almost too late. CNN has made a lot of people perhaps so depressed. And it is not depressing to live with autism.

Our agenda, and the agenda of CNN (if they want to help) is diversity and inclusion. My child will give the world many gifts as many autistic adults do today – from software developers, to writers and artists --- these are things, folks, that are not trite – they are to be utterly valued as a part of who we are.

I don’t want whitened teeth and a fake smile and I'm fed up with pretty anchors on CNN. I want to see more disabled anchors -- truly representative of our world. I want to know happiness and I know it’s wrapped up in all of those complicated emotions that we all feel every day. From pain and suffering that makes the quietest joy like the faint sound of a flute playing in the dark of night. We look for those tiny lights that illuminate the meaning of life, that give us air.

I want Lou Dobbs to meet Adam. I even want to shake his hand and say thanks for the effort if he makes it at all. I want Mr. Dobbs to find out what the meaning of life is, through Adam the way I think I’ve found it with Adam and many others like him. I want CNN, if they want to “help,” to work towards a world of inclusion as the amount of disabled people, as our population survives longer and longer, will inevitably grow.