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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Writer/Curator/Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project. Contributing Author to Between Interruptions: Thirty Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood, and Concepts of Normality by Wendy Lawson, and soon to be published Gravity Pulls You In. Writing my own book. Lecturer on autism and the media and parenting. Current graduate student Critical Disability Studies and most importantly, mother of Adam -- a new and emerging writer.

“There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.” -- Baruch Spinoza

Thursday, March 20, 2008


A Year Of "Upper A's"

Age 3.

Saturday, it's my birthday. All I want is:

A light warm summer breeze
A hammock
A willow tree
An inspiring book to ignite

A fresh outlook
Some needed dancing (it tickles my insides)
A few cooking lessons (for the sensuality of it)
More friendship and gatherings (to put life in perspective)

Maybe it's just winter has made me feel the doldrums of routine to such an excruciating extreme and a need to shed the weight of being (not to some "unbearable lightness," mind you, but some shedding is in order 'round here), for Adam said to me yesterday when I asked:

"What do you think mommy does all day?"

To which he replied, "read sad books."

Age 5. To think Adam is turning six next month!

Huh. This mom likes to be told by my child all my weaknesses. Isn't that what in large part, children are for? Maybe it's that serious furrow that's got him thinking that mommy might be sad. It's time to lighten up with the likes of spring.

The old perm days -- me at thirteen.

High School Graduation.

I hate to think that my forties has brought that seriousness that I used to see in other middle-aged people! Yet, it's a part of life -- we have children, we worry about many things, we are really busy, we are really tired. Still, a part of me never understands why some people want to be eighteen again.

Age 24

Being young was really difficult for me. Sure, I had good times, but my youth lacked a purpose that I acquired later in life.

I watch Adam grow up fast and I also learned this week that my cousin had her first grandchild -- her daughter, I recall, who seemed to be born just yesterday. That's more than twenty years gone by in just a snap!

So Happy Birthday to me, dag nammit! I hope this year will be, to use Adam's words, "upper A!" The children in our lives are taking over the world, and they remind us just how fast time goes by.


Blogger jypsy said...

Happy Birthday!

10:55 AM  
Anonymous isles said...

Happy birthday, Estee, you beautiful thing!

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Tera said...

Happy Birthday!

12:43 PM  
Blogger Casdok said...

That perm brought back memories!!
Happy birthday!

1:42 PM  
Blogger Casdok said...

That perm brought back memories!!
Happy birthday!

1:42 PM  
Blogger Alyric said...

A Happy Birthday and best wishes for the hammock and the warm breeze:) It can't be that much warmer in Toronto can it?

As for seriousness in middle age - up to a point maybe but after that - Nah - fun all the way:)

3:32 PM  
Blogger kyra said...

Happy Happy Birthday, Dear Esteé!!!!!!!

you look beautiful in every photo! and not at all sad.

Adam looks SO MUCH LIKE YOU when you were little!

10:07 AM  
Blogger Alana said...

happy happy happy birthday dear estee! beautiful photos!

12:14 AM  
Blogger Disability Blogger said...

You don't seem to have aged much. Jennifer Beals is another person who, amazingly, really doesn't seem to have aged much, not to the naked eye.
I almost wonder if you are related to my wife's family. Her niece is a deadringer for your age 13 pic and your pic in the red dress looks very much like the niece's mother (my wife's sister and my sister-in-law). Happy Birthday.

12:39 PM  
Blogger abfh said...

I hope you found a cheerful book to make you smile!

1:33 PM  

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