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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Writer/Curator/Founder of The Autism Acceptance Project. Contributing Author to Between Interruptions: Thirty Women Tell the Truth About Motherhood, and Concepts of Normality by Wendy Lawson, and soon to be published Gravity Pulls You In. Writing my own book. Lecturer on autism and the media and parenting. Current graduate student Critical Disability Studies and most importantly, mother of Adam -- a new and emerging writer.

“There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.” -- Baruch Spinoza

Saturday, July 29, 2006


Just Breathe

I just finished a piece for publication next fall by Key Porter Books, edited by Cori Howard – a woman’ s anthology: Between Interruptions: Mothers Write About Guilt, Anxiety, Amibition and More. I guess my piece classifies for the “more” part.

My hands hurt like I’ve got arthritis, yet my compulsion is to come downstairs and write some more before we leave for the cottage again – a rented one, an exercise in determining how much we enjoy, or not, the weekend schlep into cottage country.

TAAProject is going well. The video is almost complete, the magazine, the Autspoken submissions, the exhibition I have curated and am still organizing. Adam still goes to camp but I enjoy spending these weekends alone with him, relaxed for a change. The water has a way of just letting you take a deep breath.

Like many cities, Toronto is hot in the summer. The heat rises with the smog. The trees and the water of cottage country calls our bodies to just say ahhhh.

There isn’t a moment when I don’t think about our busy-ness, and how it effects our children. Our work, their programs, driving, driving, driving in between. At the cottage, we have nothing to do. We can only be. Adam always seems to talk more when we are up at the cottage with Henry and I. No therapist can bottle that and sell it.

There is a part of me thinking, why the heck am I going up there with the October event around the corner? My pain in my hands remind me that I've been busy. I’ve been writing, and working all the time, so much correspondence now by emails. Many of us share the same quandary – the compulsion to keep working. Perhaps we do not spend enough time observing and being with those we love. We value output instead of input.

The trees will speak to me, the water will beckon and refresh me, and Adam, Henry and I will just breathe.


Anonymous Bonnie Ventura said...

I know how that feels, the need to keep working, to keep writing, to do something more. And yes, it is very important, both for you and your family, that you take time to relax and refresh your mind and body.

We are all very grateful for how much you have done this year to raise awareness and promote acceptance. Enjoy your time at the cottage -- you certainly deserve it!

1:42 PM  
Anonymous kyra said...

oh, estee, that sounds just lovely! that's what i love most,just being and breathing with my boys, Dave and Fluffy. have a wonderful time and breathe extra deeply for all you have done! congrats on the piece in the upcoming anthology! xx

7:27 AM  
Blogger Em's Mom said...

Ah, yes, just breathe. Our busy lives keep us out of the moment, and the breath is the best way to quiet and still. In my Yoga classes I remind students that the mind is a chattering monkey,keeping us tied to the past (by telling us endless stories about what heppened yesterday, last year, when we were six) or the future ( by manufacturing worries about what might happen tomorrow or next year based on what once happened). Truly, to pause and focus on the inhalation and exhalation, knowing that all we ever really have is the present moment, can quiet those chattering monkeys and enble us to tap into the peace and perfection of the present.
Estee, I'm so moved and excited by the work you are doing. Thanks for being there!

4:02 PM  

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